I think everyone who’s seen the fantasy series Game of Thrones will this say something, it’s the title of an episode. It’s about a dwarf, who can only owe his existence and his right to exist to the fact that he’s highborn, so to say he’s aristocratic. And his not easy life has taught him to have a heart for all people who are out of line, not so accepted by society, who were conceived outside marriage, who are physically disadvantaged.
So I now prefer the society of people who are “broken”, who understand. Most “normal” healthy people don’t know how to deal with me, although family and friends have received a kind of instructions. Because it is not meant bad, if I do not even look at my companion, if we walk next to each other, and I only look stoically in front of me.
Before my diagnosis one of my friends once meant, maybe I am sometimes a little hypochondriac, I often have something and I often cancel our meetings. She had already been right and I often did not understand myself, I already had the disease then, I just did not know. And I was a person before that who “drove eight lanes” at the same time, I mean I did eight things at the same time, I was the opinion that nothing and nobody can harm me… I was such a person.
And now that I know what I have, I often go on my own nerves with my sensitivities; I need a while in the morning until “I reach the operating temperature”. How I get through the day it depends on whether I have eaten or drunk enough or if I am tired. If I have to talk for longer, it puts me under pressure, if I have to go to the toilet, then I have to, and I don’t want to wait half an hour. If I have to sit down somewhere for a moment, it has to be that way, because I need it and walks have become questionable. And if it’s too hot outside, then I don’t go out anywhere. And that I, who ran 12 km in one hour two years ago. And today in the PT, where in my opinion we do “exercises for kids”, I am really done after half an hour anyway.
I understand that I am difficult to treat, because I still look like I always do and when I sit and don’t move I look normal. And my constant aches and pains also go on my nerves. So it is often easier to keep company with the “broken ones”, because I don’t have to feel guilty (I already know that I don’t need to have one, but still). and it is easier.