Being dissatisfied or unhappy is totally taboo. Negative thoughts and feelings in general. We have to deal with the most devastating disease, our lives, and often the lives of our family is out of joint, but whereas we let sadness show through! We are fighters and grateful for every fart. That the sun rises and because the birds chirp. We are up to our necks in water, our prognosis is enough to make us cry, but we are expected to be optimistic to the point of losing reality, to hope, to fight and to seize every opportunity, no matter how senseless, because we want to leave no stone unturned. We spend a lot of money, yes, our last shirt, on magic doctors and remedies, we swallow shovelfuls of food substitutes without knowing whether it helps or not. In our case, of course, it’s also hard to say if anything helps. We don’t know what it would be like without it. And everyone recommends something, neighbors, family members, friends. They mean well, they want to help.
But scolding and being angry is so satisfying. So for me. It is scientifically proven that pain and agony are easier to bear if you scold loudly. Expectant mothers in the delivery room are so loud for this reason. The pain is relieved by screaming and ranting. Even mental pain is more bearable with angry words.
But we are a sunshine in the long run, always showing the best version of ourselves. We would never admit that we are fed up. We don’t want to disappoint or upset our loved ones. After all, they sacrifice themselves quite a bit for us. We also don’t want to scare anyone. Because being in a bad mood would be a sign that we are in a bad mood, and of course that would be a reason to worry.
Of course we are in a bad mood! What if not such a disease would not be a reason for it!
However, everything around us urges us to be positive all the time. Media, advertising, products, coaches. Thought moves mountains! You can achieve anything if you believe in it and fight hard! Even from failure and despair you should draw something positive and learn. I have probably done something wrong if the success fails. Next time I will try harder. “Get out of the negative spiral – 5 tips for a healthy mindset and positive thoughts”. And of course, we are not spared the thought: is this illness possibly the result of negative thoughts?
Everything sprays from positive thoughts, shower gels, salad sauces, teas, washing powder are already called so. “Sunny flower meadow” fabric softener “Inner strength” smoothie or “Happiness” chocolates. A social environment that screams at us from all directions “Be happy, fit, beautiful and rich”. An alternative lifestyle does not exist at all. And we find it hard to find our place in this milieu. Our body is degrading, we can’t even shave our legs or dye our hair, our livelihood is constantly deteriorating, we now have to make do with a paltry pension instead of a salary. Our psyche is put to the test, instead of fancy two-seaters, we now drive a wheelchair and instead of sexy underwear incontinence pads or a catheter.
The social networks are full of this terror. Pictures of the dream vacation, of the gourmet food, the new-cry hairstyle, designer outfit, beaming people when learning new hobbies, the successfully passed exam, the new racing bike, surfboard or car. All these achievements, which are now denied to us, suggest to us how to live properly.
Many therapists and coaches want to teach us that our life has changed, and we must now look at the whole thing from a different angle. To discover new ways and possibilities. Thank you very much, I can turn and turn stomach ache around, it just hurts, no matter how and where I look at it.
Like this. I am tired of it. I am tired of it and it is too stupid for me to put on this eternally smiling mask. This demand for happiness and gratitude sucks. To hate something or to feel that something is unfair does not mean that I think negatively. It doesn’t matter if the glass is half-empty or half-full, for me half is missing. No matter from which angle one looks at it. And if I rant loudly and feel sad, it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped fighting. I just wasn’t born to be locked in my room in this weather, but to ride my bike around the lake. Watching others fills me with bitterness, sadness, even envy. And no, it’s not nice. Or noble or eloquent. But that’s the way it is. It doesn’t mean I don’t begrudge someone this or that. I begrudge everyone – but me too!
It is not easy to find the right mind for various people. My favorite are those for whom it does not have to do at all. My friends are like that. I have chosen them myself. Har-har. For everyone else, the familiar saying applies: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you’re not surrounded by assholes.”.
Okay, that was more cynical than I thought it would be, you know what I mean though. So, I’m bowing out now with the corners of my mouth hanging down. And I don’t expect anything from my fellow man, no “it’ll be alright” (no it won’t), a “fuck, what a shitty day” is perfectly enough.