The final result

It would take a few days to realize. Out of the dream…
A few days ago came the press release from Biohaven itself that the drug is unfortunately ineffective. I was a bit surprised about the timing, we in Europe are a bit behind. However, I was not surprised by the whole thing. So now the dream is over, it would have been too good to be true.
I still have to understand what that means for me. I have definitely become worse in the last few months. So the plan to gain time with Verdiperstat didn’t work. First of all, I didn’t freeze the condition of that time and secondly, nothing was invented in the intermediate state that stops the progression.
The current thing that exists now will slow it down. If it goes well.
Still, the statement is like a punch in the gut. It was a glimmer of hope to buy time. True, there are other remedies and new studies – research continues thankfully. But for me, it’s already too late.
I was thinking the other day about what it would be like if I were magically healthy again. Everything to zero. There is hardly anything left of my things. I gave everything away, donated it, sold it, threw it away. I don’t even have a car and hardly any shoes or clothes. No kitchen utensils, no grill, no hammock and no lawn mower. No job and my apartment is also one I wouldn’t want as a healthy one. I don’t even have hair. In any case, it would be a completely different life. Maybe I would go into a monastery? Or write a book? In any case I would have to start from scratch. Not so bad.
Now I see that most people waste themselves on unimportant things, spend their money on nonsense, waste their time.
I see how my own life now consists of little highlights. Happenings I wouldn’t have even noticed before. Cake and coffee (as old women like it), a visit, an appointment… What is the important thing in life?
I think people should understand that they do not have unlimited time. That mistakes and dissatisfactions must be corrected immediately, not tomorrow. That you have to correct them at all and not accept something that is not good for you. That you have to dare to leave your comfort zone. We have one chance. I have thought a few times, if I could live again, I would be much more selfish. Think about yourself first and then about others. Who these others are doesn’t matter at first. We women in particular tend to put our own lives on the back burner for others. This has even something heroic. One has sacrificed oneself for someone. We must learn that selfishness is not evil, even if the word itself is negative. I think you would have to invent a new word here. To pursue one’s own interests and further development.
Because at some point the time is over and I am left only with my experiences, my stories.

Translated with (free version)

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