I have been living in isolation for quite some time now, but I must honestly say that this does not affect me that much. I’m going out 10% less than before, so what. We’ve talked enough about this virus and quarantine, it’s getting to be a habit now. People can’t do without social activities for more than four weeks, they want to go out, eat ice cream, go to restaurants, go out in the sun.
I have other problems. I have the problem that now I see how fast this disease – in my case – is progressing. To fast for me. The problem is that the change is different for each of us, and it is really hard to find someone who is “similar”. I am acutely in the middle of a removal and realize that it doesn’t matter what I plan, I only manage a part of it. And I have friendships with other MSA patients all over Germany, worldwide, beyond the continents – nobody is like me. Similar, yes. This situation is bad anyway, that’s not the what was planned.
What worries me, the rapid progress of the disease. And I do something about it, I am not passive in any case, a lot of sports and active and so on. How would be without?
For example, at the beginning of the week I cut the lawn in the garden. I was proud of it last year, and I am more proud now. It took me two days. As a thank you I got a lumbago, the worst kind. I’m not aware of any false movement, no initial moment… I was motionless for two days afterwards. Double handicapped so to say. I was just worried, what if it stays that way? Taking out the garbage, hanging out the laundry, doing the dishes… nothing worked. The bitter experience that I would have to make is that the usual painkillers (even prescribed ones) don’t work. Most MSA-Patients take opiates. I struggle with it, I struggle with drugs in general… but now I had a taste of what was to come. Just lying around. It’s gotten later better though…
I think I have to get over myself and take the walker soon… I’m too stubborn for that. But my balance is so bad that I am in danger of falling over while standing.
I heard a saying yesterday and this is what it is like with this disease, this “new life”: it’s like watching a traffic accident in slow motion – you know from the first moment that it ends with a total loss.
Speaking of a full damage, now I have to buy a new mobile phone, too, because I dropped it for the thousandth time and now the display is broken.
I better pack a box now and try not to think about it. Yesterday I was in the city centre and said goodbye to Munich. I had good times here and I liked to be here.