Like I said earlier, I live alone. Well, living alone has its advantages, but it’s becoming more and more difficult. I am becoming more and more handicapped, some things I cannot do anymore, and my once sheer-pore apartment and life is becoming semi-clean… On the surface, everything is acceptable, but you should not look closely and in daylight. It is also becoming clearer that simple, everyday tasks such as vacuuming, washing laundry or changing bed linen are, becoming an effort and some things are no longer possible, such as cleaning windows, gardening. Last year I was still mowing my own lawn with great effort, would that work this year too?
There are two reasons why I still do some things myself: I live alone and I MUST and I am stubborn.
The first consideration was to move in with a very good friend. That is what my heart desires – actually. From a purely rational point of view, however, it is very difficult. In my area the flats are rare and hardly affordable, we would have to find a flat that is barrier-free. I also don’t know if my friend knows what she’s getting into. Nobody knows what the future will bring. But she also has a job, and her mum, who may one day need care as well.
I see how time is running out for me, how these hurdles overtax me, I see how hard it is for me to give up my independence, but I’m sure you know that too.
And then came the opportunity, from the PSP Society (“PSP Gesellschaft” is a known society in Germany), who have long sought the building and now found it, for a residential group only for atypical Parkinson’s patients. So not only MSA, also PSP and CBD. It should become a living group, where one can live self-determined, according to personal wishes and condition one can get involved, can furnish his room according to his own taste… there are rooms for physiotherapy, garden, social rooms. There is also a care service specially designed for Atypical Parkinson’s Disease, which other institutions cannot provide. If you are interested, have a look at the PSP Society, there are still free rooms available. The society is very helpful!
I don’t know yet how I will like it there, I have been living alone for a long time and I like that, I hope for one or more co-residents with whom I can communicate.
In the next weeks/months I have to get rid of many things from my household, many good and beautiful things, things that come together in a life. Of course I do not want to move useless things. A part of it is already gone, like surfing things, but sometimes it catches up with me again. Never again drill my feet into the warm beach sand, never again ride a wave, never again catch wind?
And now that I have to get rid of my books, clothes, high heels, fashion jewellery, nail polish, photo camera, painting utensils etc., the question “Never again?” pops up again and again. I have to get rid of my 2×2 meter Italian designer bed. This is the bed that I missed even on the best holidays. There are days when the whole thing doesn’t bother me that much, then there are days when I almost go crazy. Is this the very last time I’m moving? It’s best not to ask these questions at all.
I should really be looking forward to this opportunity, and I am. I have a little bit of respect, new doctors, new environment. Am I gonna like this? Will I like the other residents? Do I have to like them? So many questions.
Besides, I’m glad when it’s really springtime, I’m sick of all this dark and squishy stuff. It’ll be better for all of us!