It started out like a beautiful day – apart from these bestially high temperatures. I took the S-Bahn to my good friend Birgit, who lives at the other end of Munich. Firstly, I have to and want to move and want to travel, secondly, she invited me because she has to go out to my old home tomorrow, so we can combine her plans and a nice time at the lake. That’s how I joined her – and I expected a good and nice time. Which was also not too much promised. I got a delicious salad, we watched funny videos and giggled a lot…. it was really a nice time. It was a girls evening like in the old days and I felt normal and I noticed more and more how my language has degraded. I listen to myself as if I had something in my mouth or I would babble. Be that as it may, our beautiful evening was over, we went to sleep, the next day we had to get up early.
We woke up very early and drove off in cool temperatures. We did “the business” and were already finished at 9am. Then we went out to the lake, to the place where I used to live before, and the memories rolled over me. I was there for the first time after my diagnosis. The people became more and I found myself in a strange film – all live their lives carefree, bathing, going stand-up paddling, cycling – but my life took a completely different course and seems to have stopped. I felt like a viewer, watching the others live their lives. In addition the memory, what a beautiful life I had there, for a few years. The whole thing took me emotionally with it, of course. In addition there was the heat and also the fact that the early times are not mine. Apart from this emotional wear and tear, it was a very nice time.
What I like about my friend is that she can deal with me, even in such crappy times. I complained to her afterwards that this trip gave me more sadness, nostalgia and melancholy than joy. And that I don’t want to go there again so quickly. Then she told me something that makes me think a lot, and she is absolutely right: “You have to be able to deal with such situations and learn to enjoy the moment, otherwise you won’t be able to get out of your four walls. Even if it sucks.” And she is so right. I will and want to learn that!
Photo: Birgit S. and Marta B.