The current situation is very challenging. I’m lucky to be able to tolerate the ghosting relatively well. I live in complete isolation for a week now, what about those who suffer from not being able to see their relatives.
I haven’t been going out for a week, PT, ergo does not take place anymore, speech therapy is online.
But, one thing makes me think. Actually, it’s a lot of things. But the thing that bothers me the most. The “problem group” is probably made up of “old” people, one have to be of retirement age to be perceived as a “problem group”. I think, if I went out on the streets, hardly anyone would notice that I am at risk. But I am. I’m already coming from talking out of breath. I’m afraid, an infection would be very dangerous for me.
Besides, another thing that concerns me: many people around the world are not taking this crisis seriously. They live apart or rely on what some power-hungry politicians promise. I also felt safe when this virus raged thousands of kilometres from here – then it was here, faster than I thought. Conspiracy theories and trivialization-sceneries circulate through ether, which in addition makes people feel insecure. I wonder who enjoys scaring others?
I try to think as little as possible. Virus or no virus, it doesn’t change my situation. After all, I don’t care how we get out of this economically, I am not going “back to work”. But I have friends who care, and I wish them the best. Now we’re all afraid of something. I would love to show them, as long as one is healthy, money is irrelevant – but who wants to hear that. Everybody is afraid for their existence.
I know what it’s like to give up existence.
Surf equipment – gone, sold for little money.
BMW exchanged with a Smart, and I was recently advised – in a hospital letter – not to drive at all.
My high heels – three bags full – given away. There were new, handmade ones… nobody wants to spend only 1 Euro for them.
My clothes – in boxes, given away. Designer clothes, parts I had memories of…
Household items given away.
Yeah, I’m poorer than I used to be. Possession is nothing – I know that now.
I experience that I have worked for nothing all my life. What remains for me, my memories of people, holidays… I have been to areas in Africa where no holidaymaker can go, I have saved a person’s life and he/she doesn’t even know it because it was a baby, I have cooked with locals in the mountains of Jamaica and played music with them in Brazil. The voice of my parents. The smell of childhood… Everything you can touch is worth nothing.
I spend the day surfing the internet for useful videos. There are a lot of exercises, meditations, with instructions on how to pass the time.
So I live between boxes and wait for my removal. And that this situation is over. That my trial is finally starting. Try not to fall. And my retirement, which has been dragging on since November. But according to the information, they’re “on the verge of a decision.” Well, then, uh…